Sitting at my dining room table 18 weeks pregnant at the age of 33 with my fourth child, I started thinking about the differences in my life since my last pregnancy. Besides the age gap (age 22 with my last), my body is more fatigued, my stomach more nauseous, and my head a little foggier. The biggest difference didn't hit me until a minute ago when I went to take my Prenatal Vitamins. A familiar voice came to my mind as I looked down at my pills.
"Debbie, you're remembering to take your vitamins aren't you?!"
I realized this is my first pregnancy without my mom. She passed from lung cancer May 19th, 2012 while my three older kids were still small. Each step of the way, she was there for me through each pregnancy. My mom never failed to check on me every single day, by phone or otherwise, to make sure I was taking care of myself and my baby. I moved to Idaho at the age of 19 with my husband and our first child, after which, I received a phone call at least once a day from my mom. She was always asking how I was doing and giving me advice (solicited or otherwise) about my health and parenting. No matter what was happening, that phone call came in like clock work. I remember missing her call during a family event and my sister-in-law came out of her house telling me my mom called her to make sure I was taking my vitamins. I rolled my eyes a little at that one.
The things I found embarrassing or I ignored because I thought I heard it a million times are the very things I wish I could hear each day now. Thinking back on it, what was told to me found a way to implanted itself into my brain as a mother. I find myself saying a lot of the same advice to my daughter, and like today, saying it to myself.
I hear her voice each time I repeat her advice:
"You gotta get some rest."
"You'll feel better after a nice haircut."
"Make sure you're getting out and doing what you like to do."
"Always send a thank you."
"Take lots of pictures."
"Always say I love you, even if you're angry, because you don't know when you'll say it again."
Looking down at my vitamins, it gets me teary eyed. Picturing her face as she'd ask me the same question every phone call. Each time I see them now, her voice will be played like a recording: "Debbie, you're remembering to take your vitamins, aren't you?!"
With that, I'll be smiling, replying in my heart, "Yes mom, Yes I am."
My prayer for you all this week and throughout this month is this: Not matter how many times you heard it, listen to her anyways. Even if you feel like you don't need it, get the advice anyways. Those of us without our moms here, take time to write down what she told you and what you remember about her. Don't let this month just be about a holiday, but make it a remembrance of the woman who loved and raised you. This can go for anyone who was a mother figure for you. Keep those words and memories sacred and close to your heart. You never know when you'll need them most.
I know it's been awhile since I last posted, I'm hoping to be putting out more blogs sooner rather than later. I hope all of you have a wonderful Mother's Day Weekend and God bless.